You are NOT the Father
Maury Povich’s famous words… I couldn’t believe my life was turning into a trashy daytime talk show. I knew that Brad was not the father. When Paul and I first decided to have a child, we were content with “one and done.” Then after a few years, we decided that our first son needed a best friend. After two boys we were beyond thrilled. I enjoyed being a boy-mom. However, when my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and then had a recurrence (after a short period of remission), I felt that life was too short. Without knowing what the future held, we decided to go for baby number three. Paul even called my mom, while she lay dying in a hospital bed all alone because of the pandemic, that we were having a girl, as she so desperately wanted. Unfortunately, my mom did not live to see her granddaughter, but we know she is watching over us all, most likely appalled and embarrassed that her own daughter could have ever done this to her amazing son-in-law.
Lauren thought it was a good idea to have Paul listen in on a phone call with Brad about a week after the affair revelation. During the phone call, Lauren used shark-like skills to run her unfaithful husband into the ground. Paul told me later that day that one of the questions Lauren asked was something to the effect of “Did you know Amelia might be yours?” (That’s our daughter.) Brad hesitated on the spot. He was caught off guard and trembled, “I don’t think… maybe?!”
When Paul came home from work that day he took a Xanax (which I had just picked up from the pharmacy prescribed by Paul’s doctor) and passed out on the bed. He was totally distraught. He questioned all of our children now. It was impossible, but who would believe me at this point.
I started seeing Brad over a year after we had our first son and I never saw Brad right before or during my other pregnancies. Paul was physically and mentally drained and I couldn’t get him to move or make any logical sense of what he was saying. I was scared for his well-being. I called his parents and they came over to talk to him and comfort him. His dad came out furious and confronted me “Sarah, that is really fucked up!” (The kids were right in the other room). I was taken aback and I said that I agreed and that Lauren was out of control trying to manipulate Paul’s emotions and make matters a thousand times worse (if that was at all possible). My father-in-law left the room for a brief moment and then came back in “Did you do this while you were pregnant with Amelia?” (Amelia was very precious to him). “No, I swear to God!” I said with conviction. At that moment, I felt intense anger and contempt for Lauren. Even though this whole thing was my fault, how dare she propagate false information.
That night, my mother-in-law convinced me not to text Lauren as I wanted to in a fit of rage. But, I did end up texting Brad. “Your crazy fucking psychotic wife needs to stop talking to Paul. She needs to leave us out of this! Paul was on that phone call with both of you earlier today listening in. Lauren is claiming that Amelia isn’t his, which is impossible! My father-in-law just cursed at me. Don’t tell her I texted you or she may do something even worse.”
He wrote back several minutes later, “I agree… I want to die… I fucked up many lives.”
To which I replied, “I’m sorry for playing a part in destroying your family.” Oh, what a night.
Lauren: “Did you know that she had a baby during this time??” “Could that baby be yours!?”
Brad’s tearful reply: “...I don’t think…maybe…”
I recognized shortly after I received the call that Lauren had been using two phone lines - one for her call to Brad and the other for me to hear what was being discussed between them. I remember when the call ended, Lauren immediately called me back from a different line.Her disposition had changed dramatically. It was almost pleasant. It felt like she was proud of what she had done and was content in some way with providing me with some information she thought I needed. She maintained none of the persona that had just moments ago presented a verbal-Mike Tyson-style beat-down of Brad.
I remember thinking and eventually saying how I would certainly prefer to be on her team, so to speak. When I received the call, something told me it was Lauren. We had been texting intermittently throughout the day. The call was a 35-40 minute emotional tirade that was certainly not the first that had taken place and would surely not be the last between Lauren and Brad. I was pretty sure it was the only one I was made privy to - Brad also at that point not knowing that I was able to hear their exchange. It was mostly what you might imagine a call such as this to sound and feel like. As upsetting as this was to me, the most hurtful part of it was this revelation that my daughter, Amelia, might not be mine.
By the time I got home, I was basically comatose. The plan was for me to take our younger son to soccer, but after taking a Xanax, the emotional strain got to me and I passed out on the bed.
The ripple effects of an affair go far beyond affair partners. The impact it creates also goes far beyond the control of the affair partners. Lauren’s decision to include Paul in a conversation with her now estranged husband was similarly irrational to Sarah’s decision to text Brad. The outcomes of both only worked to further deteriorate trust. In the immediate aftermath of an affair, emotions are raw, turbulent and unmanageable. It is easy to lose sight of reality and what is most valuable and sensible. For Sarah, it was also difficult for her to feel empathy for Lauren, even though she was the reason for her outrage. That’s why we both decided to seek professional help right away.
