The Ménage
Whenever Sarah and I have had sex, I swear its been as though our hearts were kissing. But now my heart could be measured in something much faster than beats per minute. We are in complete service to each other. We express so much in these moments and it leaves us flushed the following days with memories. It has been like sexual combustion. We discuss it and describe it all to each other, leaving no details out. The next day I can still feel her breath and hear her voice. I can smell her on me and taste her on my lips. We share other things we are interested in doing and from time to time would have porn on in the background.
In these moments, I have felt reattached and deeply connected to Sarah. In these moments, I have felt like myself again. Since the revelation of the affair, there have been times when I feel like I’ve lost some of my manhood and, in these moments, Sarah seems to know how to help me find it again. We have been saying that it's been “wild”. It is free and uninhibited. I have always received so much pleasure out of pleasuring her and I truly crave the taste of every part of her. Now, pleasuring her is all I can think about in these moments and I am never satiated. On one occasion, my throbbing responded to her thrusting and I emptied myself inside her. Of course this has happened many times before, but it felt different this time and it felt amazing.
We have actually discussed the possibility of having a ménage à trois. I am truly not sure I really want to do it, to be honest. Though, like many other men, it is a fantasy I would like to realize, I wasn’t sure if introducing another woman into our sex life was really the best way to heal from an affair. I would think most clinicians would agree - but I’m not a clinician. Still, we have left it on the proverbial table and are looking for…brunettes…who might be interested… Just kidding - or am I?
Did we get your attention with this post??? Well, Paul and I didn’t have a ménage (“yet”, as he says), but we are keeping the option open if by some slim chance the opportunity comes along. Our sex life, post affair, has been amazing, wild and fun. Not that it wasn’t great before or during the affair either. I didn’t know what to expect after Paul made me sleep on the couch for a few days when the affair leaked. We’ve been more intimate now than ever before. Our mental and physical connection feels deeper because our communication is so raw and real. Everything is out in the open and nothing is off the table for discussion, no matter how upsetting, raunchy or emotional the topic. We even started watching porn together, from Super Mario parodies to the pornolympics. I’m not sure why, but lesbian porn turns me on, so we always make sure to include some girl-on-girl action in our video picks.
Recently, when we have sex, I get so wet, it’s like the Amazon rainforest down there, and Paul likes to hear me say, “That’s your fucking pussy!” to which he replies, “Damn right!” It makes him feel like his manhood, his ego, his self-esteem and his balls are back in action. I’m usually quite content with having sex once a week with Paul, but knowing that physical connection is one of his main love languages, (Check out the book, “The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” by Gary Chapman), I’ve been working hard to stay awake at night and try to get in the mood more often. He also enjoys the occasional nudes, now more than ever, especially since I sent Brad a couple of inappropriate pictures during our adulterous relationship as well. One night, I thrusted myself so hard and tight against Paul’s pelvis that he came inside me. We didn’t mean for that to happen, but it felt so good and it felt so right.
When we questioned the “Why” of this affair, we always agreed that our sex life had always been plentiful and passionate. But now it is so much more. It goes beyond desire, romance and arousal. It is a sensual awakening of the soul which has been accessed by our total vulnerability with one another. We not only want to make each other feel well pleased, but we want to fulfill each other’s deepest appetites physically, emotionally and spiritually.
