Closing Time
“I’m sure it is evident by the current situation, but I want to make it clear that you are to never contact me again. I will never contact you again either. I apologize for all that has transpired and never thought about the horrific consequences of our actions. I apologized to Lauren as well and am working hard everyday to be a better person and loving honest wife to Paul because I love my family.”
I left it up to Paul to decide if he wanted me to send a closure message to Brad. I strongly felt that as soon as the affair revelation occurred, any contact between Brad and I would cease immediately. Deep down, I knew both of us knew that this relationship was going nowhere, had no real purpose and we didn’t want to hurt each other’s families intentionally. I unblocked Brad just to send this message. I also asked Paul’s opinion about it before I sent it and he agreed that it was appropriate and to the point. I kept Brad unblocked for a few hours after the message was sent, but I did not receive a response. That was October 18, 2022, almost 3 months ago now. It’s funny that I did apologize to Brad for taking part in ruining his family and I did apologize to Lauren, despite her unpleasant comeback. I did not receive any closure from Brad nor do I feel like I need or needed one. It was over. Despite my dishonest and out of body experience bubble bursting right in my face, I felt the greatest swell of relief. I no longer had to pretend I was someone I was not and I could focus once again on the love of my life Paul and my amazing family. I am forever grateful that Paul gave me this second opportunity to turn my life around and save our marriage.
In the article, “Getting Closure After An Affair,” by Debbie Rose, it states that,
“The only closure you truly need, is the acceptance of what’s already occurred.
You won’t find closure from your affair partner; there’s nothing he can say or do to make the affair suddenly okay or that will help you let it all go.
It has to come from within you.
God is the source of true healing and closure when you can accept His forgiveness and love.
Allowing yourself time and space to forgive yourself and heal from your self betrayal is an important part of your recovery.
Never give away your power to someone else.
Once you move into acceptance, you’ll eventually find your peace.
Nobody else can do this recovery work for you.”
I think this summarizes the healing process I have been working through over the past couple of months. It all has to come from within, and after going to confession and receiving forgiveness from God and with the love and support of Paul and my family and friends, I am able to work hard and move forward to try to be the best version of myself.
It did seem like we were experiencing an aftermath, the likes of which marked a point of no return. This notwithstanding, from what I was feeling and what I had been reading, formally ending the affair felt like an important step in marking the beginning of the hard work that would come next.
The interactions Lauren shared between her and Brad, not to mention much of what I had learned about the affair itself from Sarah, made it clear that he was, to say the very least, a dangerous opportunist. Brad was as opaque in his responses to Lauren’s questions as he was half-hearted in his attempts to stay with her. He had done all he could to hide the increasingly detailed accounts of the affair to his estranged wife. Whatever credibility he ever had was rapidly diminishing with every answer to Lauren’s questions whether it be in the phone call I was privy to or in screenshots of text messages she shared during those first few tumultuous weeks.
It goes without saying that this is not a person I would ever trust to keep his distance from my wife, no matter the length of time between the affair revelation and present day. Supposedly, the affair itself held long intervals of time in between meetings. For someone like Brad, why should this be any different? As Sarah and I work to rebuild trust, I believe we needed a clean canvas on which to paint. This meant turning the page with an official message to Brad stating that “whatever this relationship was” had concluded. In effect, Brad had been broken up with by two different women in less than a month.
Did I suddenly and miraculously feel better? Did I immediately feel 100% trust in Sarah again? Of course not. This closure message could be viewed by many as a simple technicality, but I could see that Sarah felt a formal sense of closure and I hoped for a bit of strength in taking back the reins in what she could control about this chapter of our lives.
Do you think closure is necessary when a relationship comes to an end? Or does it depend on the situation? Would you make your partner or spouse send a closure message like Paul did? Let us know in the comments below.
