7 Essential Questions for a Healthy Relationship
1- What do I do that makes you feel loved and supported?
I think, for me, this is about being genuinely present and vulnerable. To feel loved and supported, I first have to feel connected. This can take different forms, including sitting next to you and laughing at something funny in a show we both enjoy. When we both have our guard down. I like when these characteristics exist during physical intimacy too.
2- What do I do that upsets you the most?
Sharing what I wrote above with someone else. Dishonesty.
3- What can I do to help you feel more seen or appreciated?
At least hearing out an idea I have (even if it's crazy) before completely shutting it down. Understanding how important I feel the contributions I make to our family are.
4- What is your favorite thing that we do together?
Spending time with each other and the kids, watching our favorite shows, and having sex - and not necessarily in that order.
5- What is one thing you want me to understand about you?
I am a driven person. Sometimes I am driven by emotion - sometimes this builds momentum and while it can make me feel confident, it takes time to unwind it again. I like connecting with people, hearing their stories and sharing opinions on things. I think I also sometimes need help living in the present.
6- What is your favorite turn-on?
Talking dirty? That first kiss in the morning relieves all the pressure in my body. It's like a first sip of water.
7- What is one thing you want me to work on in our relationship?
Being honest and knowing that the decisions we make individually impact each other and our family as a whole.
1- What do I do that makes you feel loved and supported?
You make me feel loved with your daily words of affirmation, especially with our “love you ❤️ ❤️ ❤️❤️❤️” text every morning and your acts of service, particularly when you help with chores around the house and take care of our children. I also feel supported by you when you encourage me to follow healthy habits like exercise and reading.
2- What do I do that upsets you the most?
Even though it is totally reasonable and understandable, I get upset when you bring up your disappointment in me and how I acted like an asshole. It’s tough to hear that, even though it's true. The other thing that upsets me the most is if you bring up how attractive or appealing other women are in some aspect. I do get jealous and tend to compare myself to them.
3- What can I do to help you feel more seen or appreciated?
I think we are working as a great team right now when it comes to shared efforts with the family. I like when you thank me for doing things to help out and I also greatly appreciate your help. Since I do feel down or depressed sometimes lately, it does help when you point out how hard I am working and the progress we are making as a stronger couple.
4- What is your favorite thing that we do together?
I love going out to eat with you. I love going on vacation with you and our family. I love going to the beach with you. I love watching TV shows and movies on the couch with you. I really enjoy any quality time that we get to spend together. Even taking a drive in the car just to get a cup of coffee is one of my favorite things to do with you.
5- What is one thing you want me to understand about you?
I know you realize this already, but I want you to understand that I am not exactly like you so I don’t enjoy talking about my feelings or expressing myself. However, I do think that I am getting better at it. In the same regard, the things that work for your daily routine do not necessarily work for me so don’t be offended if I don’t latch onto one of your ideas. And lastly, I feel like I get tired more easily than you do so I hope you don’t mind that I love to nap :)
6- What is your favorite turn-on?
My favorite turn-on would be you drawing a warm bubble bath with me with a candle lit and maybe a hot cup of my favorite red rooibos tea. I also enjoy your foot massages :) Sexually, my favorite turn-on is when you raise your arms above your head with your arms flexed. I think that’s sexy and of course, when you pleasure me orally (even though it’s a lot of work for both of us) that is a major turn on as well.
7- What is one thing you want me to work on in our relationship?
Our relationship has grown leaps and bounds over the last couple of months. I think we are both working hard to communicate, be honest with our emotions and help share the workload. If I had to pick one thing for you to work on, it would be to just be patient with me and my progress and for you not to let other people’s opinions about us get you upset.
Can you relate to any of Paul or Sarah’s responses? Do you feel like these are important questions you would like your significant other to answer? These seem like great pre-cana questions, newlywed questions or even questions for those who have been together for many years. It’s nice to stop and reflect every now and again on your relationship needs and the needs of your partner. You may assume that everything is going well in your relationship or that you fully know and understand your partner, but sometimes asking questions and communicating on a deeper level may help strengthen the bond between both of you.
